liberty mentioned at practice that there seems to be a lot of negativity lately. i guess she’s right. i mean, its hard not to be negative when we’re being told we’re going into our next bout with 10 or less skaters. but she says if we go in with the attitude that we’re going to lose, then yes we will lose.
the past month or so, i can’t get myself totally into the game. when we scrimmage, i don’t know where my head is, but its not in the game most of the time. if i get moused, and its someone like kitty keeping me stuck in the back, i think i give up. i know i’m not getting through. it’s so hard to keep trying when i’ve been in the same situation in the past many times, and i’ve failed. i’ve accepted that i can’t break through walls. shit, this is starting to remind me of an entry i made a long time ago, about accepting that i suck…
what did i do then? i will have to go back and read. road blocks of the mind are so hard. harder than any physical challenge.
i feel like we’ve gotten so many new things thrown at us the past week or 2, i can’t even remember them! theres this thing called a c trap that i forgot existed, and when they called it out during scrimmage, i didnt even know how to execute it in a pack setting! i guess i’m feeling overwhelmed.
when we do drills that bore me, i just let my mind wander and go through the motions. i’ve read articles that say not to do that, of course. i’m a bad derby girl :/
i have really been missing endurance at practice. i can see why we’re not doing so much of it, we’ve got a bout coming up and need to work on and learn strategies. pyramids and the like take a long time. i’ve been counting on practice to be my workout for the day though, so when i hardly break a sweat all night i feel shitty about myself, and kind of resent the tedious drills. i’ve come up with a solution for that though – work out before practice, duh! i’ve always been afraid that i’d push it too hard and my legs would be sore later at practice or something. but you know what? thats not the end of the world. i did the rdw dvd the other day and went to practice and was fine, and i did pilates and yoga yesterday and was fine again. so i guess thats my new plan.
in other news, we’ve started doing mountain climbers and burpees on our skates as some of our exercises after stretching in the circle. they are different than on dry land! i like it 🙂
i hope the weather gets nice and warm out so i can put my outdoor wheels on and skate in that parking lot. i’m itching to push myself to skate hard and get sweaty. we did 4 mins of hell last night at least. i fell on the same corner i have before while going in the opposite direction, grr! i wonder when theyre going to announce roster… tonight was an open scrimmage at jdb some of us were going to, and i was going to go too, it was only $5. but i realized we’d be leaving earlier than i thought, and mark won’t be home all night so i didnt want to leave cujo alone in the cage for so long. he hasnt been doing too well lately.
also, what if i got put in, and just couldnt function like i have been at practice? ugh its so bad. like i see the jammer coming up, but i’m just like ohh okay… and let her go. i dont know why i’m not trying anymore :/ i’ve gotta turn my attitude around next week.
liberty said as homework we were to go home and think about why we joined roller derby. maybe that will help us feel more positive. i think the reason i joined was because i wanted to prove to myself and others that i could do it. i just need to remember that the next time i’m stuck behind a wall. that i want to prove to my opponents and myself that i can get through.
i also read a relative quote today. “you have to want it more than you are afraid of it” – when the opposing team is speeding up the pack, and i have to get up there and get in front so we can take control back and slow it down, i get so scared when i make it up there. i’ll race up there yeah, but once i’m there i am way too scared to try and break through at such high speeds. i need to want it!! i’ll try to remember this next time the situation arises.