so sunday was our scrimmage in new jersey. we were leaving at 11:30 from skateaway, and i sent my alarm for 9am. i should have set it earlier! i always rush around, worrying i’ll forget something. i got an actual insulated lunch bag to keep my snacks cold 🙂 mark was fast asleep, and i was obsessing over making sure he got up in time to tighten my gumballs. i also chose sunday to try a new breakfast recipe from my carrots n cake book, which was a bad idea. the wheat berries took 45 minutes to cook, just for a few to put in stovetop pb banana oatmeal. it was delish, and super filling, but i should have gone with something i knew already to keep the stress factor down.
i wasn’t nervous about the scrimmage, i figured it’d be like last time, more of a joint practice, with a little mixed scrimmage thrown in at the end. last time we did partner pyramids, and my partner was crissy catastrophe i remember. i figured if we did that type of stuff at least my endurance is better than the last time i was there.
about 20 minutes into the car ride, i started to get a headache so i took some advil which booted it, so that was good. i hoped i wouldnt get a dizzy spell while skating! the car ride was fun, and we stopped at burger king. i needed something more than breakfast at that point because we’d be skating in 2 hours, but i wasnt too hungry. i just got a veggie patty with no bun. i did get hungry when we were almost to the rink, so i had a few grapes, hoping eating so soon wouldnt upset my stomach. it didnt. we geared up in a very crowded changing room and waited for jdb’s fresh meat to finish up on the rink. i recognized smack canary from the jump start the new year challenge. i got to chat with her later and introduce myself.
all we did was a little warm up, stretch, and then got right down to scrimmaging! liberty said every one of us would get to jam at least once. i was happy, because i wanted to try it outside the safety of my own team practice, but also a little nervous.
well it wasnt my best 😦 i jammed twice, and the one time i was lead jammer, and i was gonna call it off after making it through the pack once, and i was so close to being out of the pack, but got knocked out. then i couldnt make it out again. its so frustrating! my legs were really tired, and i didnt know why. we hadnt done any endurance? i was angry at myself and once again wondered why i set myself up for failure time after time, thinking i can jam.
my spirit was broken after that, and i didn’t step up to even go in very much. we won 114 to 64. which i couldnt even believe, because at the half it was something like 59 – 62. our strong points seemed to be strategy and endurance sunday, so thats cool. but yeah, it wasnt a real great day for me personally.
we stopped at friendlys on the ride home and mal, kitty, mj and melissa and i all talked about our feelings and performance issues, etc. it felt good to know i’m not alone in my frustrations.
of course now that some time has passed, i’m back to thinking if i just keep trying, i can get better at jamming. i need to be determined and confident that i’m going to break up those walls. i tend to get scared and feel like there’s no way i’m getting through so i stop trying.
i also want to work on long blocking. i did a perfect long block on someone sunday but glided right past them. so really my issue is timing, still. yeah its cool that we won the scrimmage, but it pointed out that i still have so much to work on to better myself as a player.
i’m hoping for a great practice tonight.

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