i’ve been away from this blog for a while now, almost a month. right after my last post, or was it the week after, i got some upsetting news financially and got really depressed. i won’t go into it here, but i had been on a downward spiral health-wise and it continued to get worse. i had an awful thanksgiving holiday. i was so looking forward to derby secret santa this year since i know everyone so much better than last xmas, but i had to decline from participating. i pulled out of the pa vs jersey bout because i need to save any and all gas money i can, and i heard we had to get special jerseys made up for it.

i did feel i had an obligation to go to the dutchland double header though since i had zak tell jason singer i’d be there to nso. the drive didnt take too long, and it was a fun time. the first bout i did inside white board, but then they needed someone to jam-time for the second one. i specifically volunteered to not have to be that person because i didnt have my own whistle. i was kind of forced to anyway, and i totally fucked up the first 5 jams. oops! that was stressful! the job just got dumped on me like 3 seconds before the bout started, i didn’t get ample time to learn what i’d be doing. i got the hang of it after a while though. i watched a team with only 7 girls beat a full rostered team! crazy. kinda like over the summer when i thought we had it in the bag when boardwalk brawlers (or was it roller rebels? i get so confused) only had 9 girls, but we lost pitifully. never underestimate an underdog!

anyway, after that derby excursion, and i think one more practice and skipping a practice, i am on a leave. i hope it will only be for the month of december, but i honestly don’t see how i could actually afford to go back anytime in the forseeable future. mark says he will pay though, even if he has to drag me kicking and screaming to practice. i’m just sick and ashamed of being 27 and having my boyfriend and mother support me.

my leave really could have gone two ways. take some time to get myself healthy again, and hopefully back in shape to get back on the track, or really just give up on life and get even lazier. fortunately a miracle has come my way by way of facebook called the jump start the new year weight loss challenge! exclamation point included. a derbalife wellness coach invited me, and i started it last thursday. it runs dec 1 thru jan 15 and there are cash prizes! i guess thats how i justified to myself charging $100 for a months supply of formula 1, the herbalife shake mix. i’m eating that for 2 meals a day, plus healthy snacks and a normal third meal. that shit tastes really good! i got dutch chocolate and pumpkin spice flavors. i think its actually cheaper to do this than pay for all those meals worth in grocery costs. so far i’ve been doing really really well, and i’m proud to report that i’ve kicked the addiction to cookies at work daily. i always need a challenge to quit something like that. as i’ve probably said before, i am an all or nothing person with an addictive personality. not the best thing but thats how i was born so i try to make the best of it most of the time.

i did go skating outside on the one really nice day this week, and wow have i lost so much skating-wise. i was huffing and puffing and heaving and just really feeling shitty. i can’t wait until i can be stronger and confident on the track again. i was noticing at practice that in addition to my endurance being crap, my hello kitties were getting harder. i lost a lot of muscle in my legs!

in closing… whenever team mates take a leave, it seems like most of them don’t end up coming back. am i afraid that will be me too? hell yes. i really don’t know what life has in store for me, but i am trying my damnedest to stay positive, and its working for me. here’s hoping it just gets better!