today i went back to my parents house to swim. we were sitting at the table, talking about derby, and they got on the subject of how that girl kept hitting me last bout, and i kept going down and i didnt hit anyone. daddy was insisting that if a girl targets me and hits me over and over, i should try to knock her down to get even. i was trying to explain to him that i know there was no way i could knock that girl down, so why waste my energy on it? so mums being really ridiculous, going off about how i need to learn when the refs aren’t watching, and trip her, or take a tazer onto the track, and do all these illegal things to get ahead. she was seriously saying thats what she would do if she played derby, take a fucking tazer and taze girls. and i’m like “mom! you would get ejected, and no derby team would probably take you on again! why would i want to play dirty and do something illegal and get sent to the penalty box? i’d rather play legally and stay on the track to help my team.” and mum said something like “and how is you on the track helping your team?” and thats when i had an outburst along the lines of WELL THERE’S THIS THING CALLED HOLDING THE JAMMER BACK, AND I’M ACTUALLY PRETTY DAMN GOOD AT IT WHEN I HOLD THE INSIDE LINE, I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN YOU DIDNT SUPPORT ME INSTEAD OF JUST CRITICIZING ME AND TELLING ME I’M BAD AT DERBY! *cries*
sigh. mothers.
what is it about always wanting your parents’ approval, no matter how old you get? the first bout they came to, i felt like they were proud of me, and then last time was just a shit storm. i mean, yeah i didnt play amazingly, but i did a few things right. they just don’t know roller derby enough to see those things.
after i hid in the bathroom like a 5 year old for a while and came back out, mum actually apologized to me. i think thats the first time she’s ever done that, she usually just blames me for taking things she says the wrong way. she said she brags to people that i play derby, and she thinks its awesome that i even joined, and she would never have been able to do that. šŸ™‚ that felt better than having her at any game.