i got my stupid period saturday night when i got home from the williamsport bout. sunday morning i woke up with the worst cramps! i basically spent all morning/afternoon laying on the couch with a heating pad playing yoshi. i took a midol, ate my power meal, helped seabass make a go sharky sign, and prayed my cramps would be gone by the time the whistle blew.
i was excited that my friend from high school and her bf were coming to check out the bout, i put them down for the tickets we gave away on the johnny beefstew show last week. my parents were bringing marks mom and seabass, and mark was coming and my old friend little nate. i sent out fliers to a few freinds in the snail mail. but none of them ended up coming, and the 2 friends who were even going to get in for free didnt show! the turn out seemed a lot less than last time. mark says it wasnt even half as many people as last time. dang. as he says, i guess people just don’t care about derby.
everything was set up and ready way early, and i just wanted to put my skates on but the other team wasnt even there yet. when they did get there, i started feeling anxious. i got to see who my nemesis (jk) was, shark attack savvy, a skater on skyland. when i made the sign that said go sharky i told seabass maybe that girl would think it was meant for her. perhaps why he brought it but never held it up… anyway she was bigger than me, and had shorts on that said nom. i was mainly nervous about being the “lesser shark,” not the bout in general.
before i knew it, we were warming up. i hate warm ups for bouts. my parents were there to see that part this time. my back cramped up so bad, and i felt all discombobulated when we packed it up and recycled. last time i felt really self conscious, like everyone was watching me. this time i didn’t really care, i just wanted it to be over cuz i was tired!
i was psyched to be in the first line up like usual. i love playing with liberty as my partner. she always grabs onto me so i feel safe with her by my side. haha that sounds really corny. i dunno, i just feel like if i mess up or let the jammer get past me, its okay cuz she’ll help me do better next time around. maybe thats not the right way to describe it :/
anyway, we were up within the first few jams, and i wasn’t getting put in very much. my cramps had kept coming and going, but i think the bout distracted me. when i went in when d-ball was in, she targeted me and my prophecies came true. it was like a flashback to watertown. i was on the inside line and she just kept pummeling me, i’d get knocked down, get back up and she’d knock me right back down again. i could see it coming too. i just didnt know where to go, because staying on the line was my job. definitely made me feel scared to even look back to see where the jammer was, cuz i didnt wanna be caught off guard. i tried my damnedest to stay up, i did. i got down into such a low derby stance but she still knocked me over. frustrating! skating back to the bench after that jam, i felt embarrassed, and defeated. i kept beating myself up in my head over it, i kept thinking i knew this would happen, i saw it happen and it did. bad!
other than that, i don’t have much to say for myself. any hits i tried to give were either ineffective or knocked myself down. i fell all over that track tons from d-ball and yoshi. i finally figured out to get in front of yoshi so she wouldnt be able to hit me any more. i think i sat on the jammer once or twice effectively. i did get sent to the box for blocking out of bounds once. when i went back in, i entered behind the pack, but immediately got called on illegal procedure and went back to the box. i felt like crying! i felt so bad that i wasnt out there to help my team. later i found out the reason i got penalized was because i entered in front of the jammers. studying the rules for this upcoming wftda test hasnt been going so well :/
so i started the second period in the box, a first for me. during half time i tried to see if any of my friends were around, my eyesight sucks, and mark confirmed they werent there. nate talked my ear off as per usual. i went to talk to mum and she told me to practice hitting mark around the house. fml. i went and whined to my wifey about how shitty i was feeling and she yelled at me to get out of my head. i realized i don’t want to be just okay at derby, i want to be really good! what’s the point in doing it if i’m not going to be great? its a disgrace to my team to suck!
i didnt get put in very much in the second half but i did go in the last jam, and then it was over and we won 142 – 121. i didn’t feel like i won though, i felt like a big old loser. it hit me later that the reason i was practically in tears during half time was my stupid hormones! i dont ever want to play a game on my period again. to tell you the truth, i dont really want to play another game until i’m awesome.
it would have been really nice to hear something like “good job holding that jammer back” from my mom when she said good bye, but she just told me to practice hitting on mark, and daddy said some other put down about how i got knocked down a lot. i’d rather they don’t come to any more games actually…
after the bout, i drowned my sorrows in gerrys sweet sauce delicious pizza, and 2 scoops of baskin robbins, yum!
onto the next i guess. i wish i could get unstuck from this rut of just being decent. i want to rock!

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