last night was the first night in a long time that i really didnt feel like going to practice, i just wanted to skip it. i was just feeling a lot of anxiety, and i didnt have a proper dinner or meal schedule yesterday so my tummy was upset. being unemployed can really fuck with me. i woke up at 11am and took a 2 hour  nap at 2:30pm. its so hard to keep myself motivated to stay awake and do stuff when theres nothing really to be done.

anyway, going to practice i just thought to myself, god i hope we dont do any endurance tonight. i knew i’d just feel sick to my stomach since my tummy was already bothering me. cat brought her friend PMS from philly rollergirls i think, and diva was there as well. first we did a hopping weave, and the line was really long and fast it felt like! usually with hopping weave, i feel like i can get one really good hop but the rest are sucky cuz my legs get tired. last night i did them all double footed hops 🙂

during stretching i was afraid i’d have to run to the bathroom, i felt like i may or may not shit my pants. we did triple person swedish twice through and i pushed myself hard and felt really yucky. i was hoping after that we’d just scrimmage all night since the bouts coming up, but we did 3-5 pyramids on the big track.

i was mildly horrified that my new no junk food no sweets diet didnt totally help me rock it on pyramids. i was thinking well jeez, if not eating junk isnt gonna help with my endurance, then i might as well just eat the yummy shit! i weighed myself yesterday and i lost 4 lbs since before my birthday. i wonder if any of it is muscle though :/

but yeah, pyramids sucked. i was one of the slowest in my group, and by the end i had that feeling in the back of my throat where it gets really cold like i’ve been chewing mint gum. its been a long time since i puked, but i think thats what happens first.

then diva had a drill for us called waterfall. it involved a double person pace line and the front 2 girls would stop and turn in the front, run on toe stops to the back and turn around and get back in line real quick. i have not mastered the turn around while accelerating just yet, so boy was i a mess. falling all over the place when i got to the end. plus we were supposed to turn towards the track, and i only know how to turn one direction. me and betty werent too happy with this drill lol. i couldnt wait until the embarassment was over. then we did a timing drill, and then we scrimmaged!

i definitely notice that since i havent done it in a while, i’m really shy about hitting again. at one point, i thought to myself jeez, i’m not getting any better. what if this is as good as its gonna get for me? maybe i should just quit derby if i’m not gonna keep getting better :/ and beck offered me the jammer cap but i turned it down. def didnt want to deal with the pukey feeling from pushing myself again. but then burger gave it to me later so i just took it. god, lining up on the jammer line just makes my heart start pounding somethin fierce!

as soon as i take off though, it goes away. first off, i dont know why, but i tried to get through burger and someone else on my team and ended up falling down. but i did manage to get lead jammer, and then i decided to not push myself to the hilt to lap back around. cuz when i try to skate as fast as i can, by the time i get to the pack anyone who breathes on me can push me over i’m so exhausted. i basically got through pretty easily where the white team wasnt paying attention a few times, but i was proud of myself none the less, and decided to make one more pass and then called it off. my first time doing the head to hips motion! 🙂

something that i disappointed myself in though, was i went to hit mj and i fell down. why do i always fall when i hit someone! aghh! i cant wait until we have another practice where we practice hits, i need it.

after scrimmaging we played freeze tag, and me and sarah were it at the end. i wasnt doing very well trying to tag people, and then sarah and betty had a collision of doom! i was scared sarah hurt her bad ankle. shes alright though, just banged up, and betty broke her finger i think! crazy. i’d probably cry like a little baby if i broke a finger.

all in all, a not so great night turned out pretty well.

last friday, sarah and i were the only ones who signed up to help out at the schools out bash at skateaway for a pr credit. at first i felt really weird having to watch the kids and yell at them if they misbehaved in the rink. after a while though, i felt like i was back lunch ladying. i actually said numerous times, “you don’t need to talk like that, this is a family fun center!!” haha. the games part was actually kinda fun. i noticed though that just regular skating isnt as fun as it used to be for me. its kinda boring? when i started derby, i wondered why i didnt see any of the skaters at wacky wednesdays or open skates. i loved them. now i guess i get it – its not as fun being at the rink when you can’t do the fun stuff you do at practice.

last saturday i also went skating on the dike with sarah and otter. we didnt go very far, and just kept a normal pace. i sprinted like twice. i hate that wierd feeling you get in  your ankles from the vibration of skating on the ground!