the bout was so much fun!! i woke up at like 6:30 am, like a kid on christmas morning, unable to fall back asleep. i finally did around 8 and slept til 10ish. i should have had something to do today, i really should have. because i just sat around all day, antsy, waiting for the bout! i was trying to figure out what to wear, trying on all my skirts while mark was still in bed. hes like “its 10:00 in the fuggin morning, just relax!” haha. i really wanted a soffee skort like the small one i gave to slick. i went to the sports place in the mall but they didnt have one, so i tried dicks last night as well. none, but there was a cute nike skirt i thought about buying. there are so many nice things i could get for derby wear at dicks, but theyre all really expensive. underarmor, nike, reebok etc…
anyway so i made some wheat pasta with ground turkey and veggie marinara for lunch and was running kind of late to pick up ali. i’d wanted to have time to sit and catch up before we left for the bout, but i didnt. everyone loved my R’s i shaved into the sides of my newly mohawked head when i got there πŸ™‚ radical pride! we had to stand outside skateaway for a little until burger got there. it was nice to have ali back.
then i just chatted and helped fill the coolers and stuff for a while. i asked around for midol to no avail. i was getting cramps and sure aunt flow (haha) would stop in for a visit as soon as the first whistle blew, so i called mark to bring midol. i wanted it to just be bout time already! when the other team started showing up, it started feeling real and i got a little nervous. i called mum at 5 to remind her to bring the tickets and bring chairs, and found out she didnt even know where blackman street was! oh mum.
all of a sudden my team was gearing up so i changed into my skirt and got ready. warm ups was stressful for me. i could see paul sitting alone at a table by the skate rental booth, and some people were already there. i didnt know which of my friends were out in the crowd, or if my parents would walk through the door any second. i felt really self concious. i think i felt that way during warm ups in watertown too though. but i def thought to myself, “id rather just be on travel team only and not have to worry about people i know watching me skate! no more home bouts please…”
i got so tired, and then we turned around and did a bunch of stuff in opposite direction! i couldnt wait to get a drink. finally we were done and we stretched. thats when i saw my family by the snack stand and i waved at mum and dad! πŸ™‚ mark showed up with his friend jackie, a broken derby girl from providence, and sat with paul. he brought my midol πŸ™‚
bettie mercury helped coach us, and jen was the bench coach. jen told us we were doing a demo and thatd be the same as the first lineup. i was b1! my heart soared. i was so psyched to be in the first lineup again just like in watertown πŸ™‚
i was really excited during intros then. it was the first time i heard my name called over an actual microphone since there were technical difficulties in watertown. and diva announced me first! i waved to my mum. felt awesome.
in the first jam, we just positionally blocked and could tell it threw jdb off. just like in watertown, they didnt know what to do. makes me really glad we practice just positional so much. we took the lead right away and stayed that way. i thought oh yeah, we’re winning this. i was kind of disappointed i didnt get put in constantly. sitting on the bench kinda sucks, not gonna lie. i felt like every jam i got put into was another chance to prove that i deserved to be put in the next one. it was kind of like a harsh reality check when a few jams would pass by and jen didnt call my name. i think alltogether i went in about 8 times? maybe 9.
i couldnt believe the first half was over so soon. we were up by so much! i went and talked to my fam, and mum couldnt believe how exciting it was! or how many people showed up for it. i was like, i told you! it was really, really nice having my parents, brother and nieces there to support me. really nice.
i chatted with donald, mark, and jocelyn a little and then went to pee. had to use the boys bathroom cuz the girls had a line. i know skaters get priority, but i’d feel wierd. haha, i felt less weird just going in to use the empty mens bathroom.
halftime was 20 minutes. i got put in the first jam of the second period too! i also got told to stay out once πŸ™‚ how was my performance? i think i let some negativity seep in. i was hesitating too much, like when i get shy at practice. i should have done more positive visualization earlier. but overall, im proud of myself. and here comes the best part…
during half time kelsi asked me “how come youre not a jammer or slammer or whatever they are?” and i explained how i just started trying that out at practice, and i get really winded. but i’ll probably, hopefully be a real jammer some day. and as i was sitting there on the bench watching mj work her magic, i thought to myself i’d just like to jam once during a bout. it wears me out so much thats all i think i could do!
do you see what this is leading up to? JEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO IN TO JAM!!! i was shocked, and immediately shook my head yess!! i felt like this was my chance! i was so excited and incredulous. i wanted to tell everyone. to just skate over to my parents and mark and tell them, guess what, i’m gonna jam in 3 jams!
those 3 jams were not enough time for me to calm myself and visualize myself maneuvering through the pack and getting lead jammer. i tried, but it was hard when there was an actual game being played in front of you. i needed a quiet area to go and meditate. my heart was pounding. i tried to tell myself i’d do well.
burger said “if you get tired, just pass me the star.” she was pivot. i kind of gave a half hearted okay… tonight was the first time i’d even seen that done in a game, and i was afraid i’d totally mess it up and make things worse than if i didnt get any points. plus i wanted to do it on my own, and prove myself. make my team proud.
i thought about if the other jammer was small, i could try and hit her out of bounds right away so i could automatically become lead jammer. she WAS small, but i decided against that. i heard liberty say “i cant believe theres only 6 minutes left in the game” and i hadnt realized it was so close to being over. then it hit me – they were only putting me in to jam because we were up so much, it wouldnt have mattered if i didnt get any points and the other team got a lot. we’d still win. that kinda burst my bubble. oh well.
i lined up on the jammer line, but not after waving to my mom in the crowd. i wanted to shout LOOK AT ME MUM! LOOK AT ME! ARE YOU WATCHING!? i guess i kind of felt like a little kid. the jammer whistle blew, and i took off, ahead of the other jammer. i was psyched. i was totally almost through to make lead jammer, but i got knocked down and thought damn it! but the other jammer didnt make it through right away then either. i tried so hard to make it through that pack, but i kept getting hit. if i had to choose one thing i was proud of in that experience, i did weasel through two jdb girls. the other jammer kept hitting me though, i think it was her. she went for a shoulder check and kind of got me on my jaw. thats when things got bad. this other girl was in the back on me so hard, and i guess thats when i hit the wall. it felt like at practice when i know i’m not gonna get through and i wanna just give up. this girl hit me in a way that made me feel sick to my stomach. i came up behind burger and wasnt sure if she saw me but i gave her the jammer panty. phew! did i feel like a failure? sorta. was i still really proud of myself for trying? definitely. after that it was just a hop skip and a jump to the end of the bout and we won by a lot. it was cool, lots of hugging, but not the excitement i felt at watertown when it was so close.
everyone said i did really good on my jam, but i dunno if i beleive them. i mean i believe that they can be proud of me for doing it, or even surprised that i did, but i didnt get any points for my team. i really wanted to do that. oh well, i popped my jamming cherry, and on my first home bout to boot. thats pretty rad. with friends and family there to cheer me on ❀ if you would have told me a year ago, "in a years time you will playing in a home bout with the roller radicals, and you will jam" i would have never believed you in a million years!!
tonight was a ton of fun, i love being in a bout. i cant wait to do it again! i'm so glad there are 2 bouts in july!