man, i feel like i freaking sucked tonight 😦 for the first time in a long time i thought about quitting. i know, how stupid right?! i just felt like i wasnt helping my team at all when we were scrimmaging, i was out of it. i hate feeling useless and then i try to focus on what i should be doing, but by then im upset with myself and i get shy about hitting or anything else for that matter. i do not feel confident about being in this bout :/ i suspect i only made roster because ive been on the team for so long and they figured i’d be mad if i didnt make it or something. i feel really bad that kimber didnt make roster. she really deserved it, i feel kinda guilty i got a spot :/

also, when we did 2-4 pyramids on the big track, i just didnt have any steam. maybe it was cuz i didnt really have a dinner, and my body didnt have enough fuel? ive fallen into this routine of coming home from work and falling asleep without lunch, then having just one meal later in the day. must break this cycle of naps! but yeah i just couldnt push myself as hard as i would have liked on pyramids. that coupled with getting picked almost last when they chose teams for scrimmaging kinda set my mood for the night. i set one goal for myself tonight, to hip check someone while scrimmaging, and i didnt even achieve that.

i need to stop moping though and think of how i can/will do better next time! i will try harder to wall up with my team mates. i will try to get lower so i dont keep falling all the time. if i do fall, i must remember to fall small. and i must communicate!

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