we’ve been doing the 2-4 pyramids with partners in the beginning of every practice. i still hate them! mallory loves pyramids, gah. i hope some day i’m good enough at them to love them. last time what mainly ran through my mind was “i cant do this i cant do this i cant do this…. fuck kristle go back on that diet, noooo sugar or junk, you have to get better at this!” lol. i’m still loosely following the rdwc diet, but let kathy take us out to eat last night 🙂 btw, i didnt win the prize drawing 😦

i made this really long post but it got deleted before saving and it makes me so mad i could eat a donut! grrr! i updated about practices and the bout saturday, and made a list of all the aspects of being in a bout that make me think i could never actually be in one. here goes take two.

1. rules – saturday i was taking notice to when a skater on skyland would block one of our girls out of bounds, and wondering how she would know weather or not she could come back in behind or in front of the opponent. first of all, theres knowing the rules, which i dont yet. then theres paying enough attention and always being aware of where everyone around you is! shit dawg. i heard masuimi talking to havina about how coconut water is a good sub for gatorade and it helps w mental alertness. i thought now thats what i need! i tried some – $3 a bottle, never again! – but didnt notice any difference in my being able to pay attention while scrimmaging :/

2. penalties – i still dont know what gets what penalty and im scared that i wouldnt realize the ref is telling me i have a major or something, plus i dont know which way to go to the penalty box!

3. team camaraderie – as i watched our girls warming up on the track and just through out the game, getting on the track together etc, i wondered if i’d ever feel comfortable with them all enough to feel confident competing alongside of them. i am just finally getting to the point where i feel i can be myself around the girls, and not all of them yet even! how could i confidently share the track with them in soemthing as big of a deal as a real bout if im still intimidated to just have a conversation with them?

4. endurance – fortunately, i think this one has been crossed off my list of things about a bout that i couldnt do or handle. just being able to hold up and skate for a whole hour at a time. not that i’d be put in a bunch my first bouts anyway, but still. also, i’m sure this is more of an issue for jammers.

5. nerves – i wonder if i’d be nervous about things like how i look to the people watching? or if i could just keep my mind in the game … wait, i can never keep my mind in the game anyway…

6. attitude – judging by the serious looks on the girls faces when returning to the bench after a jam, or being put into the next one, i think i would be really inappropriate. like what if i just did really bad in a jam? would i feel like crying, and could i keep it under control? or if i did a good job and was proud of myself? i think id break out in a huge grin… and id wanna talk to the other skaters on the bench maybe, but as i watched them saturday they all intently watched the game. :/

i really dont know if i have a chance to be rostered for the bout against watertown next month, but mallory and ali have told me its more for newer girls since their team is more new? so ive been studying, really studying this time for the wftda written test which is in the beginning of april. i think its starting to sink in better since i’m taking notes this time and not just trying to force myself to read the words. i still have a lot more studying to do but i have a better feeling this time than last. whenever i ask ali a question when we’re watching a scrimmage at practice, she usually doesnt know the answer. but she passed the wftda test! i have so many questions, but i’m too afraid to ask anyone whos too much of a veteran skater cuz i dont wanna seem totally stupid…

anyway, ali thought we were def going to win the bout saturday. i said i thought it’d be a close game but we’d win in the end. well the first period it seemed like i was right. we were tied at some points. but during the second period skyland really steered ahead. i was surprised that zipper wasnt as amazing a jammer i thought she was – she got knocked around a lot. so did mj, one jam was painful to watch cuz she just kept getting hit down. guess thats the misfortune that plagues smaller girls! i’m glad i’m not a smaller girl. but this one jam towards the end zipper scored 19 points and it was pretty killer! we still didnt catch up though, and lost. good game though.

i had been super cranky because the drive down just seemed to take forever and i felt hungry all day long. the green jerseys were maybe going to be there for us cuz one of the skyland skaters does them i think. i took my purple just in case they werent. they werent. when i went in the bathroom to change, mj was like you shoulda worn your green! and i was just so pissed about the whole situation. the only reason i even ordered the green one was so i could wear it at the st patricks day parade, and it didnt even come in time! theres no way im going to need it this season, i obv wasnt getting rostered for the skyland bout, and probly wont for the july one either. i dont have endless money to just shell out on derby stuff like some of the girls, i’m pretty fuckin broke. i had to ask my mom for the $20 to buy the dumb green jersey and then i didnt even get it in time. fuck that. i’d really like to cancel my order and just get the money back at this point. grr..

yeah so i was cranky and really didnt want to nso. rusty told beck n hateher that they might not need me and steph, they might have enough people. i was excited i might get to sit and watch the game! but alas, i ended up doing outside whiteboard. i was so scared about it, i hate doing something i dont know how and worrying i’ll fuck it up. i thought the penalties were going to be like boom boom boom, one after another and i had to write them down. but they were pretty few and far between so it wasnt that hard. i was able to relax. except for the bitchy lady behind me who asked me if i could move, ha!

me ali and stu didnt go to the after party at all, we just left after the bout was over. i was gone for like 10 hrs. i want to support my fellow radicals and all, but my mood was quite foul saturday and i felt that i didnt have enough fun to justify all the driving. god help me with this season….