tuesday ali and i carpooled to practice again. kat was back, shes been gone for like 5 months. it was like she never left though, i didnt see her falter for a minute. i take a week off and i’m back to square one!
as usual these days, ali and i had trouble keeping up with the pace line. ali threw up again after her swedish. at least i dont puke! that would suck, i hate throwing up. my lower back was in the worst knot though. when i do my swedish, if i dont make my lap in like 2 times around i figure whats the point, and just stop pushing myself so hard. cuz i feel like if i keep pushing that hard, my legs will give out.
anyway, we did some relay races and of course they had to include lots of push ups. have i mentioned how much i dislike relay races? i cant stand the pressure. i hate the yelling, “GO SHARK LEGS, GO! YOU GOT THIS, GO GO! HURRY! ALMOST THERE, GO GO!” ooof, i really hate that. it makes me cringe and fuck up even more. anyway, the last part was an army crawl and i really suck at that. i was going like nowhere. everyones cheering me on and i just got really fed up with not moving and it was so embarassing. hate hate hate. when i finally made it up to the end, ya had to do just 5 measly pushups but id done so many allready and my shoulders are still sore from the other day, i could hardly lift myself. finally i was done and the humliation was over and i freaked out. i fucking tore my helmet off and threw it, yelling HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ARMY CRAWL!? then i was embarassed for losing my cool.
oh and we also took our wftda test that night. ali was all nervous about it, and i told her i was probly gonna fail but it didnt really matter to me. acceptance of suckage is key here. i did take the practice test twice and failed both times but less so the second. when i reviewed the test after finishing, i ended up changing half my answers :/
well yesterday morning i got a facebook message from jen. i’d failed. but guess how many questions i got wrong. TWELVE! there was only like 20 on that thing so i really fucked up. we only get to take the test 2 times per quarter. i dont really know the consequenses of not passing. i doubt they kick u off, but u cant make roster. not that i’m going to anyway! so what does it matter to me? no wonder i suck at derby so bad, that test shows that i obviously dont understand it. aghhh fml.

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