last night we did 3-5 pyramids on the big track. i thought i’d be better at them by now, but i was still the last one in my group 😦 and my group had ali, who started derby after me in it! one time going around a turn i skidded on my butt and knocked my hip into the small wall :/ ugh.
i felt shitty after that, then we did scrimmage for the rest of the night. dusty did a lot of yelling at us for not breaking up walls, engaging, helping the jammer… i just hung my head and avoided eye contact because i knew she was talking about me. I dont break up walls, I don’t engage other players enough, I don’t make it easier for my jammer to get through. jen was saying if we play against morristown next month the way we’re scrimmaging now, we’re gonna lose. it was a negative night. i didnt even want to be out on the track, cuz i can’t keep up with whats going on. i was questioning why i was even there.
i decided not to go to the skyland bout that some of our girls are skating in on saturday with the other girls. i just won’t be able to pay attention to it.
who was i kidding joining a sport? i’m not a sport person. is it too late in my life to change this part of me? probably. i also decided i’m either not going to practice tomoro, or i’m just going for one hour. i have to get up early for a parent breakfast we’re doing at work on friday morning. plus i’m sick of sucking, i’m sick of feeling like i’m being attacked at practice.
i’m new, i’m no MJ, i’m not a fast learner. its going to take me a long time to be good. im not going to be playing in any bouts any time soon so just let me learn at my own pace. fuck.