thursday night at practice started off really not being my night! during planks i couldnt even hold myself up the whole 30 seconds the last 2 times. i mean its always hard, but i always do it! mallory must have been having a bad night too cuz i looked over and she wasnt up either. that made me feel not so bad.
but then we started skating around for weave and burger said to do a faster pace tonight… and i could not keep up. it was my turn and it took me like 2 laps to convince them i just wasnt going to make it going so fast, i couldnt even keep up. so some girls in front of me went through, and then i finally started and everyone slowed down for me. that makes me feel like a burden to the team, and like i’m messing with thier system. i mean, i’m slowing them all down!
then we did swedish and i couldnt give it my all, for once i didnt care that it took me too long to finish. i dont know what was wrong with me. my lower back was starting to cramp up. after that we didnt get drinks – we went on the little track and did sprint drills! ugh. i felt totally wiped out and my back was so fucking cramped. i just couldnt push myself. everyone was sprinting and i could hardly stay upright. liberty was still sick so she saw i was struggling and said come on, stay with me, we can do this together. such a nice gesture but i was just cursing myself in my head, and coudlnt even keep up with her. once she lapped me she said just to keep moving my feet, dont worry about anything else. at this time i was thinking, i need to leave and get out of here, i’ll say i’m sick and leave early, i cant take this humiliation, theres no way in hell i’m going to the scrimmage and embarassing myself!! we did this drill for 5 minutes, and i was so glad when we could finally get a drink.
liberty asked me what was wrong, and i said i duno, just having a bad night. mal said she did too on tuesday, when we did the tomohawk excersize. i told liberty that i got really frustrated doing that too cuz i just cant do the 180. beck jumped in and told me Never say cant. dont say you cant do it, cuz if you do, its gonna take u that much longer to do it. everyone was nodding thier heads in agreement. mal interjected that shes been doing this almost a year and she still cant do it. vasumi asked me why i wanted to give up, and i didnt have an answer. partly because everyone was jumping in and saying you have to push yourself, thats the best thing you can do is not give up. ellie said the best thing they my team mates could do is push me.
next we did the tomahawk drill again, but heather, me, smash, and mal went down the end with liberty to get a crash course. i totally forgot on tuesday since liberty wasnt there how to break it down and do the semicircle with ur right foot. even smash fell down, so i didnt feel that bad that i still hadnt gotten it!
we got the pads out and learned a new hit, the sternum block. liberty and ellie helped me with that, the hip check, and shoulder hit. i dont like the sternum block, it makes me nervous, plus its awkward to do.
then we did 4 on 1s and 2 on 3s. i did alright but not my best. i was def feeling better than earlier though. practice was over and we were all standing around talking, and ellie said i’m the first girl shes seen who is new to derby and listens really well when i’m in a pack, when they say to slow down or catch up. !!! that made me feel really good, especially since previously i felt that was a real weak spot for me. 🙂
once again the power of derby sister support comes through! by the end of the night i guess i decided i’ll probably go the scrimmage. even if i suck, which is inevitable, it’ll push me and help me get better, and i need that.

and obviously the reason i struggled so much at practice was because i havent been to the gym in 2 weeks. my endurance is down, and i had been doing a back strengthening excersize at the gym, and apparently it was working – because my back sure got weaker since i stopped doing it!! i can NOT do derby without also training at the gym. i need to stop being so lazy and buck up!!

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