thursdays practice was a bust. liberty needed to do real stuff since she’s on the roster for the bout i’m sure, so we didnt have her little study group cushion to rely on.
we were doing the weave but then a swedish after it, and i felt a little more confident going into it this time… which was wrong of me. wow did i suck. it took me laps to finish my weave, but i finally did, and then i started off on my lap around… it was taking forever, and the next girl went, and then the next girl… everyone was cheering me on at first to keep going, you can do this, but alas. i did not finish it. everyone else went and lapped me and i never fucking made it back up to the front. i was so winded. i wanted to just take off my gear and leave and never come back. i couldnt look anyone in the eye. i’m not really the type of person to get embarassed, but at shit shit – it mortifies the fuck out of me. agh!! i really just felt like crying and quitting. i know this is depressing but its how i felt.
then we did some 4 on one which i was alright at, but then we did regular scrimmage and i can hardly keep up with those girls much less be helpful at blocking! when burger and dusty come thru jamming, i just tried to move aside cuz they are fast and brutal and i didnt wanna get hurt!! i will at some point hafto get over that fear. but not thursday night.
liberty taught me how to get through a pack. its so scary when its a lotta girls. if its just 4 i’m alright! but 20, uh-uh forget about it. i’m pretty much paralyzed with fear. debilitating fear. what can i say, i’m a wuss.
so why am i doing roller derby???
my endurance is so bad compared to the other girls. i wish i could run to work on it, i miss running! but my knees just dont want to do that anymore. i go on the elyptical for half and hour at the gym but i only go to the gym twice a week. i need to up that, i want to work out more but im always afraid i’ll aggravate my knees and then be useless at a practice. maybe i should buy the roller derby workout dvd i saw online?
anyway, tomoro is a bout, and i wish mark could come but he had a show scheduled at his moms house way before i started derby so i understand. dianes coming again, and mum and dad this time! and my brothers up so if hes up to it he’ll even be there! yay 🙂 i hope they like it a lot! go roller radicals!

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