can we say self deprecation? wow. i’m so obviously the special ed case of the fresh meat group. mj has only had one more practice than me, and jess, 2 more than me and next week theyre probly gonna be skating with the group. i feel so slow and stupid!
the first thing we did with jen last night was weave in between little orange cones. i totally slowed down the whole group, it was pathetic. and i know i shouldnt be comparing myself to them, because everyones learning curve is different, but come on. jess passed me at one point and said Youre okay bud! shes a jocky blonde type and reminds me of my friend emily, she seems really friendly. but that just kinda made me laugh on the outside and cry on the inside, haha. Youre okay bud. fml…
then we went to the end of the rink to skate around and the rest practiced tstops and pough stops, but jen told me to forget everything i learned with diva the other night and just start over. starting with knee drops. i swear my skating ability slowly deteriorated going around that tiny makeshift track. some of my falls were good, some were bad, one was totally unplanned and made me LOL. jen’s super sweet to keep working with me and try and keep me from being discouraged. i did derby stance squats and guess i found my center of balance, which she said was a good thing and therefore it was a good night! ha, not for my ego. during the weaving i just kept thinking, okay i dunno what made me think i could do this but as soon as the night ends, i am NOT coming back.
but by the end of the night i felt like maybe i can keep doing this… i just resigned myself to the fact that i’m super fucking slow and weak. i’ll just be the charity case of the group. i know i sound really lame and depressing, but the only way i know how to deal with this failure is self deprecation i suppose. *sigh*
my thighs stopped working probly 20 minutes before the end of practice, where i just could not get up from any more falls, so jen sent me to sit down. watching the real derby girls scrimmage was fascinating, even though half the time i didnt know what was going on. its hard to follow!
anywho, my knees killed with each fall last night, i guess i was falling on them too hard. when i went to the bathroom i checked under my leggings and BOOM they were definately bruised and very swollen. jen said my knee pads arent awful but they dont have a lot of cushion. heather said i can get permanent knee damage if i dont get the good pads now.
so i guess i’m at a point of decision. mark said he’ll buy my 187s if i stick with it. and i can’t stick with it if i dont get better knee pads… kind of a catch 22? he said he’ll get them for me now – but this means i’m really commiting. the one lady at practice said give it a month. cuz if u quit after 2 weeks, you’ll never know if you could really do this.